La Dunk

If I were a 51-year-old WOMAN who was able to dunk a basketball, I would be the next president of the United States. What makes me say this? Recently, a video of a 6-foot-8 high school girl dunking during a game made the ABC Evening News. When a 6-foot-8-inch man dunks, it does not make the news. Unless it's a particularly spectacular dunk, it won't even make a local sportscaster's highlight reel. A 6-foot-8-inch man might, however, make the news if he were NOT able to dunk. Such are a man's advantages in the battle of the sexes.



So there you have it. We've got women dunking now. The revolution is complete. This is a relatively new phenomenon. I don't remember women doing this 20 years ago. Is this strictly a function of the whole Title-IX, the-girls-can-play-too movement, or does it have something to do with the hormones in the milk everyone is always shouting about?

I'm not complaining, mind you. As a dunk aspirant, I salute all the dunkettes. The dunkstresses. The dunk-a-ladies. I wonder, though, if a woman can truly dunk. Yes, she can stuff the ball through the basket, but can she DUNK? By that I mean, can she do it with the proper attitude? The dunk is aggressive and in-your-face. It says, "Take that asshole." This is not the language of a lady. Or, in any event, it is certainly not the language a lady uses in the company of other ladies. A man could push a woman over the edge and into such an attitude, but women do not typically play basketball with men.

And, indeed, when I watch the videos of the young lady dunking, I see none of the I-am-king-of-the-jungle roar one typcially sees when a guy dunks. Her dunks are very polite. She goes up, stuffs it in, comes down, trots away and that's it. Thanks for the two points, see ya next time. She doesn't beat her chest, she doesn't point at anybody, she doesn't even look around to make sure everyone saw it. No statement was made beyond a very matter-of-fact "I'm so damn tall, what do you expect?" I'm guessing that there are more women out there who are able to dunk but they just ... don't. Their disposition doesn't demand it. They are not driven to belittle, provoke and shame the way a man is. They do those things, but not with a man's violence.

So I salute Brittney Griner and Lisa Leslie, two women I can think of off the top of my head who can stuff the ball through the basket. But I believe we are still waiting for the first woman who can DUNK.